In Todd We Trust Read online

  One of Daisy’s sippy cups was sitting on the counter. Max picked it up, popped off the lid, and began guzzling what looked like milk.

  “Uh, Max. That’s—”

  “Gah!” he said, spitting Snickers all over me before I could tell him that he’d been drinking toddler formula. “Why’d you let me drink that, man?” he yelled, wiping his mouth off.

  It must not have tasted that terrible because pretty soon he was back to describing his great plan. “Anyways, your mom says I play with a lot of ‘intensity,’ whatever that means, and it might be fun to dress all spiffy and show off my skills in front of thousands of people. And hey, free trip to the Big Apple—give me a chance to try these Cronut things I keep hearing about.”

  I was barely paying attention to him by then; I was already wondering if Lucy was home, and whether she’d be willing to Toddlian-sit for another night. “Cronuts?” I repeated dumbly, trying to stall him, but suddenly Mom appeared out of nowhere, looking flushed and shoving her frizzy bangs behind her ear.

  “Sorry to keep you waiting, Max,” she said with a tight smile. “I was on the phone.” Here she looked at me with a kind of wild desperation. “That was Mavis from Daisy’s playgroup. Apparently your sister’s going through a ‘biting phase.’” She let out a joyless cackle and led Max into the living room.

  Sometimes I worried about the woman.

  But right now I had to worry about myself. And the Toddlians, who seemed to think I didn’t care about them anymore. Before Max had followed Mom he’d been sure to let me know he wanted to “play with my cool tiny toy collection” later.

  I rushed back to my room to collect those “cool tiny toys” and save them from death by magnifying glass or whatever medieval torment Max could think up. I threw on the micro-glasses, grabbed the shoebox from beside my bed, and checked the closet, where they were all dismantling some weird ship thing. Were those my Red Sox cards on the roof?

  No time to freak out about that. I had a much bigger freak-worthy problem. “Are you all here?” I asked the Toddlians. “Did Lewis make it back?”

  Persephone stopped pulling apart a wad of pink stuff and yelled up to me. “He’s safe, no thanks to you! Cain’t you see we’re plumb up to our eyeballs in repairs here?”

  I ignored her rudeness and told them to all stop what they were doing and get back in the shoebox. “Max will be here in a few minutes; can’t you hear him?” He was banging out “Frère Jacques” downstairs, missing half the notes. “I gotta get you out of here.”

  That was all it took. They scurried into the box, some of them muttering about how excited they were to see Lucy again. But, I realized suddenly, I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to see her. After last night’s bizarre talk in the backyard, maybe some distance would be … good.

  But who else could take them? Duddy was out, because he was off playing badminton with Ernie and Cassandra. And no one else knew about the Toddlians. No one I’d trust with them, anyway.

  Max moved on to butchering some scale. I had to do something—fast. “Do we have everybody?” I asked.

  “All present and accounted for,” Herman replied. “We’re eager to have another seminar with Lucy, Your Greatness.”

  Whatever. I didn’t correct him as I closed the lid, then headed into the hallway and shot across to Daisy’s room. She was actually asleep in her crib for once, which was amazing considering how loud Max was.

  I stopped midstride. What on earth was drawn on her wall? Were those my permanent markers all over her floor? Okay, Todd, deal with it later … one crisis at a time.

  I opened Daisy’s closet door and hid the Toddlians behind a box of diapers. “I’ll get you later,” I whispered. I thought I heard a few shouts of dismay as I clicked the door closed, but what could I do?

  I ran back into my room and looked around. I needed to find something to use as a decoy to fool Max into believing he actually had the Toddlians. I searched in the closet for an idea … hmmm, better than nothing.

  I grabbed some red Monopoly houses out of the game box and pulled out the rankest, crustiest sock from my laundry hamper. Maybe some of Mom’s craziness had spewed onto me, because as I laid the sock on the closet floor I muttered, “Here ya go, Uncle Maxie. Some tiny Toddlians for you to play with.” I sprinkled the red houses onto the sock and arranged them neatly into cul-de-sacs. “New Toddlandia needs a hotel or two.” I placed two green hotels at opposite ends of the sock. “Have fun with your toys, Max!” Yep, the strain of the day had finally got me.

  I found a dirty towel wadded up by my trash can and picked it up. A hideous sick-sweet vinegary stench rose up from a rotten apple. I held my nose and pinched it by its fuzzy stem, then dropped it into the trash with a shudder. The thing was crawling with maggots.

  So that’s what Lewis was all freaked about. A harmless apple. I laid the towel carefully over the sock. It was a pretty crude decoy, but then, who was cruder than Max?

  The child “protégé’s” grand finale was a rousing rendition of “The Farmer in the Dell” (at least I think that’s what it was; his “playing” sounded like someone beating the keys with a baseball bat). I sat at my desk and tried to look casual, but there wasn’t a muscle in my body that wasn’t in a triple-tight knot. Sure enough, within seconds of his last “song,” Max burst into my room.

  “Done already?” I squeaked out.

  “Where are they?” Max growled, slamming the door behind him.

  “They’re, uh … they’re not here.” I stood in front of the desk like I was protecting it.

  He snorted and shoved me out of the way. I landed on my bed and watched him paw through my desk drawers. “So who has them if they aren’t here, your girlfriend?”

  “Please don’t—” I said, reaching toward my art drawer as he yanked it out of the desk, turned it over, and dumped it out. Several of my acrylic paints popped open and began oozing onto the carpet. That put enough fire in my belly for me to foolishly say, “And Charity’s not my girlfriend.”

  “I never said anything about Charity,” Max said with an evil smirk. “You’re the one who brought her up.” Max was holding my laptop at eye level. He pulled his hands away and let it fall. I lunged and caught it … along with his foot in my mouth. I tasted blood and rolled over so he’d think I was more hurt than I was and leave me alone. Plus I didn’t want him to see me cry.

  “That’s nothing compared to what I’m going to do to those little freaks when I’m done with them,” he promised as he dug through my dresser drawers. Underwear and socks flew in every direction as he emptied the bottom drawer where I’d hid the Toddlians last time. “I’m gonna stick ’em in the microwave until they pop!” He spread his fingers, presumably to illustrate said Toddlians bursting over the inside surfaces of the appliance. “Nooooo, don’t hurt us, Mighty Max,” he squealed in a tiny, high voice. “Great Todd, save us! Waaaaahhhh!” Max waved his arms and made a terrified face before busting up at his sadistic self.

  He picked up a scrap of paper off the dresser and read it. “What’s this? Charity Driscoll’s phone number?”

  Actually, it was my confirmation code for ordering the new Dragon Sensei best-of DVD, but Max didn’t give me time to explain.

  In two seconds I was off the floor, being held up by the shirt collar till we were nose to nose. “You called her yet, Buttrock? Does she come over here and play with your dumb lizard dolls, or do you two have better things to do?” He made smoochy kissing noises, and I shoved away from him, falling back onto the bed. “Maybe we should call her now, so she can hear her dragon warrior scream as I decapitate his little friends.”

  “That’s enough, Max!” I said in a surprisingly brave voice. “Leave Charity out of this.”

  Max ignored me and threw open the closet door. “Well, well, well. What have we here? A whole little buggy city!”

  I squeezed in front of him. “You seriously think I would keep my prize possessions in my filthy closet? Like I told you, they aren’t even here.”


  Max’s eyes narrowed, and a slow, evil smile spread across his face. He put his hands under my armpits and tossed me onto the bed. My plan was working! I realized it had a flaw, though. If Max didn’t find the sock right away, he’d tear apart what was left of Toddlandia looking for its inhabitants. They didn’t deserve that, after all the hours of hard work they’d put into building it.

  I crawled between Max’s legs and reached for the towel. He took my hint and pulled it off the sock, which was my cue to do a little acting.

  “No! Max, please just leave them be. They never did anything to you!”

  Max yanked the sock off the floor, and all the Monopoly pieces pelted me. “They’re MINE!” he roared, stepping on my head with one boot. “You buggy-wuggies are getting me my A at last, and then it’s barbecue time! What do you think, Todd—Kansas City style, or straight-up Memphis?” He threw back his head and laughed.

  I rolled out from under his foot and got on my knees. It was time to dial up the drama. “No! You can’t take them away from meeee!” I begged and bargained for all I was worth. “I’ll do your homework forever, just give them back. Please don’t swing them around like that!” Max swung the sock around his head like he was about to throw a lasso and did an awkward victory dance.

  And now for the Oscar-winning moment: “I’ll teach you everything I know about Dragon Sensei so you can impress Charity—” Wait. Did I want to give him that idea?

  Lucky for me Max was too busy laughing maniacally to hear what I’d said. “MINE!!!” he boomed, before strutting out the door with his sock.

  I sat up, watching him go with a satisfied feeling.

  I could only hope he’d get all the way home before realizing the sock was empty.

  CHAPTER 16

  I got up off my knees and took a deep breath. For once in my life I’d outsmarted somebody without anyone else’s input. Okay, so Max wasn’t an Einstein or anything, but he’d bought my Toddlian tearjerker act in a way that made me wonder if I might actually be all-powerful.

  I checked my face in the mirror on the inside of my closet door. My lip was kind of swollen on one corner, and a stream of blood trickled from where Max’s boot had made contact. I grabbed the dirty decoy towel and wiped the blood away. “Butroche,” I said to myself in the mirror, “you should go out for the spring musical.”

  I combed my hair with my fingers and did my best hot-actor grin, pretending I was on the red carpet, posing for the cameras.

  Thinking about cameras reminded me of Lucy’s offer to watch the Toddlians for me via webcam. Maybe they could use the protection now. What if Max came over for a piano lesson while I was at swim practice? Or what if he just randomly showed up “to play”? Mom wouldn’t know better than to let him in my room.

  For that matter, what if Daisy discovered the Toddlians? There was no telling what she might do to the little guys. I’d once seen her bite a beetle in two without blinking an eye.

  Wait a second! The Toddlians! They were still holed up in Daisy’s dark closet. I started toward her room when the doorbell rang again.

  My gut twisted, and I froze. Had Max already figured out I’d duped him? Mom must’ve answered the door, because the bell only rang once. I could hear her talking to someone. Someone who definitely wasn’t Max.

  Charity. I walked up to the front door just behind Mom and waved. My awful day might actually be turning around!

  Charity met my eyes, giving me a hint of a smile, but continued talking to Mom as if I wasn’t there. “I don’t know what I would have done without Todd, Mrs. Butroche. I’m new to Wakefield, and he’s been so sweet to help me feel welcome!” She turned on the dimples, and I thought she was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Even cuter than VanderPuff as a puppy (before she turned evil).

  The beast herself ran in from the living room then, giving Charity’s legs a good sniff. “Oh! What a precious little poodle!” Charity crooned as she knelt down and patted the dog. “I just love animals!” From the way VanderPuff was licking Charity’s cheek, the feeling was mutual.

  Wow. Charity’d even charmed Fluffenstein. I couldn’t believe it. That dog hated everybody but Mom.

  Charity giggled, then stood and looked at me. “Hi, Todd!” she finally exclaimed.

  I blushed and squeaked, “Hi.”

  Mom whirled around and grabbed my hand. “Here he is!” she sang, pulling me toward Charity. I felt like a complete idiot, especially when Mom wiggled her eyebrows and gave me her Oooo, it’s a girl googly eyes.

  Mom offered Charity some Oreos and milk, but Charity had other ideas. “Actually, Mrs. Butroche,” she said, “I stopped by to see if to Todd wants to go for a walk. I just can’t get enough of these Boston trees!”

  “Umm …” I hesitated. Going with Charity meant that it’d be a while before I could rescue the Toddlians from Daisy’s closet.

  “You do want to come, right, Todd?” Charity added, her voice rising.

  “I …” Daisy was actually sleeping, for once—they’d probably be fine. “Sure,” I concluded. I would just have to check on the little guys the second I got back.

  We were barely down the driveway when Charity looked at me from under her curly eyelashes and said, “The real reason I came over was because I was wondering if you’d go to the Fall Ball with me.”

  I kinda lost control of my limbs at that point, and it was a struggle not to fall flat on my face. “You want to go with me?”

  She smiled and bumped me with her shoulder. “Of course, silly. That’s what I just said. I was hoping you’d ask me, but the dance is tomorrow night, so I decided to put it out there before somebody else did.”

  Before somebody else did. Haha! I hadn’t felt this light-headed since the day at the fair when I rode the Eggroll six times in a row. I inhaled a long breath through my nose and blurted, “Yeah! That sounds fun.” And then, for some reason, I thought of Lucy. Why did she seem so unhappy when we talked about the dance, when it could be this simple?

  “Great!” Charity said. We stood there grinning and blushing at each other until she looked up at the house. “Is your mom watching us?” she whispered.

  I glanced at the kitchen window, and Mom waved. Geez. “Let’s go somewhere else,” I suggested.

  We strolled down my street, the crisp breeze cooling my burning cheeks. Charity was gushing over the beautiful trees on our block and how they helped her not to miss the Florida weather so much. All I could think of to say in response was “Yeah” and “Uh-huh” over and over again.

  “So what are you planning on wearing to the dance?”

  “Uh … I don’t know. It’s my first one.”

  “I thought maybe we could wear something that matched. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  That gave me a brilliant idea. “We could match! We could go as Oora and Saki! Duddy, Ike, and Wendell are taking girls, too. Let’s all dress up! It’s almost Halloween, so it wouldn’t seem weird. I could spruce up Duddy’s costume and make your Shrooms blow green smoke like mine! Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

  I turned to see what she thought. She’d stopped walking and was looking at me with her eyebrows raised and her mouth half open like she wanted to tell me something but it wouldn’t come out.

  “Oh, that won’t work,” I said. “I forgot you’re more Team Reptile than Amphibian … but maybe just this once you could be Saki, since I don’t think there’d be time to make you a costume by tomorrow night.”

  Charity put her hand on my arm and raised her eyes to mine slowly. “Todd, I was hoping we could dress up—”

  “I know!” Isn’t that what I’d just said?

  She shook her head and smiled sweetly. “Not in costumes. I already bought a nice dress, you know. It’s fuchsia, and I thought maybe we could find you a soft pink shirt and a fuchsia tie …”

  My neck felt tight already. I pulled on my sweatshirt collar. “Fuchsia? Is that some kind of material?”

  Charity smiled “You’re so funny, Todd. Y’know—it’s pink. I pi
cked it because I thought it would complement your beautiful eyes and dark hair.” Charity took a step closer and put her other hand on my other arm. “Wouldn’t that be special?”

  “Uh …” I licked my lips, which suddenly felt drier than a desert in a sandstorm. I looked around. There wasn’t another soul on the street.

  Charity was still watching me intently with her pool-blue eyes. But this wasn’t Dragon Sensei anymore. I wasn’t totally sure what this was.

  And I needed to get back home to the Toddlians.

  I swallowed and shook my head. “Uh, Charity? Maybe we could save the whole fuchsia thing for some other dance. I really have to go …”

  “Go?”

  “Uh-huh. To the bathroom!” I pulled away from her and rocketed down the block. Is this what had made Duddy look like he had to pee in Lucy’s driveway? Was this what girls did to you?

  “Toooodd!” Charity called after me, but I didn’t look back. Once I was safe inside my house, I leaned against the front door, panting. It took a minute for my stomach to settle back to normal and my breathing to slow down enough to answer Mom, who asked from the kitchen, “Todd, what was that about?”

  “Just … homework,” I mumbled, stumbling to my room. I flopped face first onto the bed and shut my eyes, trying to shut out everything about this crazy day. But it was all there, playing like a horror flick in my head: Coach Tomlin screaming, “You’re not living up to your full potential!” and blasting me with icy hose water; Max kicking me in the mouth and ripping my room apart; Charity watching me with wide, serious eyes.